The Monster has put me in quite a predicament. I'm not going to explain it here, because I believe some things should remain between two people, but needless to say, I'm under quite a lot of stress these days.
It will culminate tomorrow in a fantastic show of do or die. I'm vehemently hoping it's a Do, rather than a Die situation, but we shall see.
Nathan has already kindly offered to break NOvember with me should shit hit the fan, but I'm wondering if his offer is truly altruistic.....
I'm so frustrated I want to neck an entire bottle of gin, and then dive into a pool and just scream. Scream until the water nearly enters my lungs, but at least it muffles the animal-like sound I'd surely make.
Then, I'd be ok. I'd calmly get out of the pool, kiss the Monster on the forehead and then lie down for a day, feeling the wondrous properties of juniper coursing through my veins.
But of course, I can't do that. I have to handle this like an adult. I have to keep my voice down. I have to stay calm and hope that whatever reserves of strength and poise I haven't burnt away with drinking come to rescue me.
One would almost think this is surely the best time to have a drink. Soothe the hurt and humiliation with the velvet touch of Veuve. But I can't. Because I'm better than that. This is my life, and I'm not going to hide behind a curtain of fog and denial, in the form of a cocktail. I'mma handle my bidness.
We make mistakes. We all make mistakes, and if you think that you don't - well that's your first mistake right there, honey. And this stress that's being caused from this mistake will NOT GET THE BETTER OF ME.
To err is human. To forgive is divine. But to not buy when it's your round just makes you a cunt.
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