I'll keep this one short and sweet, as I'm not particularly keen on discussing this matter too much.
Had a blazing row with the boyfriend last night. There were tears, there were hugs, there were harsh words spoken. There was reproachment, resentment, resignment.
Strangely the most enlightening thing about this was that I couldnt even blame it on alcohol. This emotion I was feeling was all me. This sadness being communicated is all me. This vitriol spewing from my mouth is all me. ME ME ME.
So post fight, I sit in the courtyard, chain smoking furiously, and I'd never wished for a drink so hard in my life. Something to steady the breathing and calm the shaking hands. Sip. Inhale. Repeat. Sip. Inhale. Repeat.
Instead I seek solace in the contents of the fridge. I can eat my emotions just fine. I'll deal with the tightening waistbands when it comes to it.
In summary: If this is how I'm going to react everytime there is drama, I think we'll have to change the name from NOvember to GROWvember. I'd change it to BLOWvember, but I don't want to give Nathan the wrong idea now..... ☺
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